Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
If I just breathe...
There’s something deliciously sappy about my bright pink nail polish (courtesy of Edy, age nine and already the nail polish extraordinaire) and the cheery rays of sun filtering through the window. Michelle Branch’s blast from the not-so-long-ago-past, “Breathe,” is blaring in my head, and I’m feeling on top of the world. Hello summer!
Did you know that summertime is worse than New Year’s when it comes to resolutions? At least for me it is. Three months of freedom (okay, so it’s a rather sketchy definition) and endless opportunities stare me straight in the face… and I can hardly catch my breath before I want to dive in and “do life,”—whatever that means. But then I kick myself and try to turn off that little voice inside my head that incessantly whispers, “Go, go, go!” I started a list during finals week, something along the lines of “Summer To-Dos.” It’s sitting in a recycle bin somewhere.
If I just breathe…
Why do I feel like I’m in control when I hold my breath? I remember playing a game when Hil and I were younger. We’d see how long we could hold our breath… I think I passed the two-minute mark once or twice. Sometimes I feel like I’m still playing that game. Reminds me of my Don-Rags question: Compare the supernatural fall (Satan’s fall) to the natural fall (Adam’s fall). Believe me, there is a connection to the game and the question.
If I just breathe…
I won’t be going home this summer. Just thinking about it still causes a queasy feeling in my stomach. So much for the whole “Miss Independent” thing—I just can’t quite pull it off. Can I say how excited I am that Hil is coming to visit? I’m smiling just thinking about it.
I am excited about this summer. I am growing up—regardless of if I want to or not. I am learning… if I just breathe…
I almost forgot how wonderful it is to just sit down, think, and write. I’m not psycho-analyzing myself. I’m not laying out the next bajillion years of my life.
If I just breathe…
Hello summer!
Did you know that summertime is worse than New Year’s when it comes to resolutions? At least for me it is. Three months of freedom (okay, so it’s a rather sketchy definition) and endless opportunities stare me straight in the face… and I can hardly catch my breath before I want to dive in and “do life,”—whatever that means. But then I kick myself and try to turn off that little voice inside my head that incessantly whispers, “Go, go, go!” I started a list during finals week, something along the lines of “Summer To-Dos.” It’s sitting in a recycle bin somewhere.
If I just breathe…
Why do I feel like I’m in control when I hold my breath? I remember playing a game when Hil and I were younger. We’d see how long we could hold our breath… I think I passed the two-minute mark once or twice. Sometimes I feel like I’m still playing that game. Reminds me of my Don-Rags question: Compare the supernatural fall (Satan’s fall) to the natural fall (Adam’s fall). Believe me, there is a connection to the game and the question.
If I just breathe…
I won’t be going home this summer. Just thinking about it still causes a queasy feeling in my stomach. So much for the whole “Miss Independent” thing—I just can’t quite pull it off. Can I say how excited I am that Hil is coming to visit? I’m smiling just thinking about it.
I am excited about this summer. I am growing up—regardless of if I want to or not. I am learning… if I just breathe…
I almost forgot how wonderful it is to just sit down, think, and write. I’m not psycho-analyzing myself. I’m not laying out the next bajillion years of my life.
If I just breathe…
Hello summer!
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Western New York Winter
Barren fields, haunted barns, cozy porches, & maple trees huddled together to brave the bitter cold. A blanket of snow shrouds this frosty image, and tire-imprinted roads frame the scenery as I drive by. My eyes linger on the beauty of the western New York landscape, trying to impress the breathtaking image onto my mind. There is something settled and all-knowing about a solemn, wintry day.
Your favorite rose bush, pet rock, and little brother’s action figure, disguised as odd lumps of snow that scatter around the yard: There is something about winter that reminds me of sin’s masquerade. Muddy tire tracks taint yesterday's white veil: There is something about winter that reminds me of my tarnished state. Intricate snowflakes dance in the frosty air, slowly covering the muddy marks: There is something about winter that reminds me of Christ’s atonement. Perennials peek through the blanket of snow, anticipating the day when Spring’s gentle rays will coax Winter away: And there is something about winter that reminds me of hope-—hope for Tomorrow and true anticipation for that Day.
This is all my hope and peace,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
This is all my righteousness,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Your favorite rose bush, pet rock, and little brother’s action figure, disguised as odd lumps of snow that scatter around the yard: There is something about winter that reminds me of sin’s masquerade. Muddy tire tracks taint yesterday's white veil: There is something about winter that reminds me of my tarnished state. Intricate snowflakes dance in the frosty air, slowly covering the muddy marks: There is something about winter that reminds me of Christ’s atonement. Perennials peek through the blanket of snow, anticipating the day when Spring’s gentle rays will coax Winter away: And there is something about winter that reminds me of hope-—hope for Tomorrow and true anticipation for that Day.
This is all my hope and peace,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
This is all my righteousness,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Restless
Why does my heart wander... when it has nothing left to seek? It is true that I am human, that I am finite and prone to stray. Yet God has worked so marvelously in my life that I cannot do anything but return, time and time again, to Him! So why can't I rest in Him? Yes, the words that Augustine so poignantly penned are true, "Our hearts are restless, until they rest in Thee," and yet my heart is restless--restless to find rest!
Lord, still my heart... 'til I only dwell in Thee.
If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
(Hymn, by Brooke Fraser)
Lord, still my heart... 'til I only dwell in Thee.
If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
(Hymn, by Brooke Fraser)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
So... I made this for my computer background... and thought I'd share it with you (click image to see detail)! Merry, merry Christmas!!!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
A Confession
Warning: Extremely long post written below.
If there is anything true to be said of me, it would be to say that I am a fearful being. The online world is probably not the most common of places to be making such a confession, but hey, it’s true—anyways, I might need to find this blog post four decades later to remind myself (why am I preparing myself for the worst?!). And thus Evangeline flung her confession into the eternal abyss known as “Internet”.
It is never easy to realize that fear is present in one’s life. After all, should fear not be combated with all the wonderful virtues pertaining to strength (and the like)? Maybe I should repeat some chants to myself… something along the lines of, “I am strong. I am fearless. I am…,”? Or maybe I need to go on some Bruce Wayne-like journey to self-discovery and strength? Hmmm.
On the other hand, fear is also valued—if, that is, fear is seen to work hand in hand with humility. This is the fear that I am going to be writing about today.
Growing up in Sunday School (where we were taught to “fear God,”) I have taken pride in my fear. Fear, I engrained within myself, was to always be the veil with which one approached God. After all, was Lucifer’s fall not the result of his lack of Godly fear, thus creating in him the desire to be like God? If I approached God with fear, I would be free from any possible fall.
Now I am going to slightly divert to the subject of approaching God—though this will be in light of my understanding of fear.
Back to Sunday School.
While growing up, I was always the “go-to” person when it came to Bible trivia. I knew it all—I had to know it all. Now fast forward a decade later and I am completely blown away by the inadequacy of the mind to even begin to grasp God. I know nothing—I can’t know anything.
When I was young (cue: The Killers’ “When We Were Young”), I was afraid of fear. To be unsure of God or to be unable to grasp Him was to be, in some way, not a “good Christian.” Yet now that I am old (‘tis true, I am soon to leave my teenage years behind), I am afraid when I do not fear. To be sure of God or to be able to grasp Him must imply pride of some kind.
While I can easily laugh at the way I viewed fear when I was a kid, it is not so easy to realize that my equating fear with humility has hindered my journey of knowing God. And now I am going to do a funny thing and quote myself (I know, I should save this for when I become a world-famous cinematographer):
“Fear, I engrained within myself, was to always be the veil with which one approached God.”
When it came to approaching God, my attempts had long been in vein of verses like Psalm 33:8, “Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him!” And indeed, God is an awesome God! He is to be feared and held in awe. Yet this blog post is a confession, and thus I will now confess how the fear = humility mindset was a stumbling block to me (something which, I cannot over emphasize, was completely due to my own sinfulness… not Sunday School or whatnot).
I had an intense distrust of man's attempt to know God. My fear had led me to pinning my idea of God "somewhere high up in the heavens"... safely out of reach for man to tarnish or for me to wrestle with and truly desire—God is so awesome (and I use that word in the literal sense… not in the cheap way it is commonly used) that I should fear him and keep Him beyond the capacities of my mind. And so unlike Jacob, I did not want to wrestle with God—I wanted to fearfully and “humbly” back away from Him.
Am I, a fallible human, to fear God and “stand in awe of Him”? By all means, yes! Just as Isaiah cried out in Isaiah 6:5, “Woe is me! For I am lost!” so I should recognize the uncleanly state of my human frailty in the presence of the Lord. Yet praise be to God! For in the same way that the seraph touched the coal to Isaiah’s lips, so Jesus Christ’s blood has touched and covered me.
“And I said: ‘Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!’ Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: ‘Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.’” (Isaiah 6:5-6 ESV)
To fear God in false humility, insincerity, and laziness is the fear that I had and, I’ll admit it, continue to struggle with. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
Why do I share Isaiah’s story? Because just as Isaiah was swept up in his fear, so I too want to be filled with a fearful humility—in awe of the “King, the Lord of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5). And in the same way that Isaiah was cleansed, so I, too, have been “atoned for.” I can stand in the presence of God, just as Isaiah did.
Friends, this is not a blog post about how we need to throw away the fear of the Lord—that is the very last thing that I would have this post initiate. Rather this post is to both encourage you in the sincere fear of the Almighty God, and to testify to the cleansing power of Jesus, through which I can boldly approach the awesome God!
“Fear, I engrained within myself, was to always be the veil with which one approached God.” Yes, I am quoting myself two times.
In my false idea of fearful humility, I was actually being prideful in thinking that my veil of fear was what enabled my approaching God. Yet my “guilt is taken away,” and my sins “atoned for” by the blood of Jesus Christ! He has torn my veil of fear, enabling me to truly desire and approach Him. He is also the God that I behold in fear and trembling, before whom I kneel face down in awe of His glory! I am a fearful being—and I praise God for the growing knowledge I have of Him as I continue to strive in the humble and sincere fear of Him!
So my confession has been made. I pray that you will join me in desiring and approaching God in true fear, ridding oneself of the false fear that so easily masquerades as humility. We have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ: now let us approach Him!
Note to four-decades-later-Evangeline: Fear God!
If there is anything true to be said of me, it would be to say that I am a fearful being. The online world is probably not the most common of places to be making such a confession, but hey, it’s true—anyways, I might need to find this blog post four decades later to remind myself (why am I preparing myself for the worst?!). And thus Evangeline flung her confession into the eternal abyss known as “Internet”.
It is never easy to realize that fear is present in one’s life. After all, should fear not be combated with all the wonderful virtues pertaining to strength (and the like)? Maybe I should repeat some chants to myself… something along the lines of, “I am strong. I am fearless. I am…,”? Or maybe I need to go on some Bruce Wayne-like journey to self-discovery and strength? Hmmm.
On the other hand, fear is also valued—if, that is, fear is seen to work hand in hand with humility. This is the fear that I am going to be writing about today.
Growing up in Sunday School (where we were taught to “fear God,”) I have taken pride in my fear. Fear, I engrained within myself, was to always be the veil with which one approached God. After all, was Lucifer’s fall not the result of his lack of Godly fear, thus creating in him the desire to be like God? If I approached God with fear, I would be free from any possible fall.
Now I am going to slightly divert to the subject of approaching God—though this will be in light of my understanding of fear.
Back to Sunday School.
While growing up, I was always the “go-to” person when it came to Bible trivia. I knew it all—I had to know it all. Now fast forward a decade later and I am completely blown away by the inadequacy of the mind to even begin to grasp God. I know nothing—I can’t know anything.
When I was young (cue: The Killers’ “When We Were Young”), I was afraid of fear. To be unsure of God or to be unable to grasp Him was to be, in some way, not a “good Christian.” Yet now that I am old (‘tis true, I am soon to leave my teenage years behind), I am afraid when I do not fear. To be sure of God or to be able to grasp Him must imply pride of some kind.
While I can easily laugh at the way I viewed fear when I was a kid, it is not so easy to realize that my equating fear with humility has hindered my journey of knowing God. And now I am going to do a funny thing and quote myself (I know, I should save this for when I become a world-famous cinematographer):
“Fear, I engrained within myself, was to always be the veil with which one approached God.”
When it came to approaching God, my attempts had long been in vein of verses like Psalm 33:8, “Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him!” And indeed, God is an awesome God! He is to be feared and held in awe. Yet this blog post is a confession, and thus I will now confess how the fear = humility mindset was a stumbling block to me (something which, I cannot over emphasize, was completely due to my own sinfulness… not Sunday School or whatnot).
I had an intense distrust of man's attempt to know God. My fear had led me to pinning my idea of God "somewhere high up in the heavens"... safely out of reach for man to tarnish or for me to wrestle with and truly desire—God is so awesome (and I use that word in the literal sense… not in the cheap way it is commonly used) that I should fear him and keep Him beyond the capacities of my mind. And so unlike Jacob, I did not want to wrestle with God—I wanted to fearfully and “humbly” back away from Him.
Am I, a fallible human, to fear God and “stand in awe of Him”? By all means, yes! Just as Isaiah cried out in Isaiah 6:5, “Woe is me! For I am lost!” so I should recognize the uncleanly state of my human frailty in the presence of the Lord. Yet praise be to God! For in the same way that the seraph touched the coal to Isaiah’s lips, so Jesus Christ’s blood has touched and covered me.
“And I said: ‘Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!’ Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: ‘Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.’” (Isaiah 6:5-6 ESV)
To fear God in false humility, insincerity, and laziness is the fear that I had and, I’ll admit it, continue to struggle with. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
Why do I share Isaiah’s story? Because just as Isaiah was swept up in his fear, so I too want to be filled with a fearful humility—in awe of the “King, the Lord of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5). And in the same way that Isaiah was cleansed, so I, too, have been “atoned for.” I can stand in the presence of God, just as Isaiah did.
Friends, this is not a blog post about how we need to throw away the fear of the Lord—that is the very last thing that I would have this post initiate. Rather this post is to both encourage you in the sincere fear of the Almighty God, and to testify to the cleansing power of Jesus, through which I can boldly approach the awesome God!
“Fear, I engrained within myself, was to always be the veil with which one approached God.” Yes, I am quoting myself two times.
In my false idea of fearful humility, I was actually being prideful in thinking that my veil of fear was what enabled my approaching God. Yet my “guilt is taken away,” and my sins “atoned for” by the blood of Jesus Christ! He has torn my veil of fear, enabling me to truly desire and approach Him. He is also the God that I behold in fear and trembling, before whom I kneel face down in awe of His glory! I am a fearful being—and I praise God for the growing knowledge I have of Him as I continue to strive in the humble and sincere fear of Him!
So my confession has been made. I pray that you will join me in desiring and approaching God in true fear, ridding oneself of the false fear that so easily masquerades as humility. We have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ: now let us approach Him!
Note to four-decades-later-Evangeline: Fear God!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
"Re"
The fact that I haven't touched this blog since July should be REason enough for the REsurrection of this blog. Yet rather than dedicating it solely to my photography, I've also decided to REinvent this blog and make it about ME!!! Yay for selfish ambition and excitement!
Anyhoooo... this blog will be about life, the capturing of it (in various forms), and yeah... I'm super excited. Now let's see how long this can last. Haha.
In light of my sporadic blogging history, I am determined to blog at least once a week (which is a big step for me, believe me!). Therefore, I am posting my contract to myself... and "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder." (Referring to the REunion of my blog and I, by the way.)
I, Evangeline, do hereby take this blog... as my blog. I will love it and cherish it... by posting on it at least once a week. Not 'til death do us part (which raises the larger question: do blogs die?)... but something to that effect.
Signed, Evangeline
Anyhoooo... this blog will be about life, the capturing of it (in various forms), and yeah... I'm super excited. Now let's see how long this can last. Haha.
In light of my sporadic blogging history, I am determined to blog at least once a week (which is a big step for me, believe me!). Therefore, I am posting my contract to myself... and "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder." (Referring to the REunion of my blog and I, by the way.)
I, Evangeline, do hereby take this blog... as my blog. I will love it and cherish it... by posting on it at least once a week. Not 'til death do us part (which raises the larger question: do blogs die?)... but something to that effect.
Signed, Evangeline
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